Mayor Pete husband’s Chasten Buttigieg is a rare thing: a Twitter celebrity who deserves his fame.
So it was a beautiful thing to see Lin-Manuel Miranda, an equally deserving Twitter celebrity, follow Buttigieg on Twitter. But it wasn’t just that Miranda followed Chasten. It was how Chasten responded that brought joy to the rest of the internet.
“Doing a quick bit of laundry. Hear loud scream. Run into kitchen terrified, expecting to see
@Chas10Buttigieg in pool of blood,” Pete wrote on Twitter. “Am thereupon informed that @Lin_Manuel is following my husband, whose life is now complete.”
You would think that Chasten Buttigieg’s husband becoming president would be his life goal. But I get it. Lin Manuel Miranda is a nearly perfect human. Hamilton deserves the obsessive following.
A Miranda following is the approximate equivalent of ten thousand presidential endorsements, using social media math.
Folks on Twitter understood the feeling.
He is now in the room where it happens.
— Tgage (@tgagemurphy) March 27, 2019
I would have screamed too!
— Bryce Tache 🇺🇸 (@brycetache) March 28, 2019
Congrats! I’d wager a lot of money that Donald Trump has never done laundry in his adult life.
— Stephen Walt (@stephenWalt) March 27, 2019
Congratulations to Chasten Buttigieg on nearly becoming president.Read More
An Ode to… is a weekly column where we share the stuff we’re really into in hopes that you’ll be really into it, too.
Tiny House Hunters fills me with a rage I cannot describe, and I absolutely crave it.
The HGTV show, streaming on Hulu, is about people who are sick and tired of being able to stretch in their own home and instead choose to live in glorified mobile homes. It follows either a single person trying to move into the mountains, a couple on the verge of breaking up, or a family who doesn’t seem to get that children get bigger on their quest to find the perfect tiny house.
Frequent quotes from the show include “Wow, this is tiny,” or “There’s not a lot of storage in here,” and my personal favorite, “A king size bed won’t fit in this loft!”
These are all things you’d expect from a tiny house, but the people who end up on Tiny House Hunters seem to have deluded themselves into believing that tiny houses have some sort of TARDIS-like magic that makes an impossibly cramped 200 square foot space feel bigger on the inside.
On a typical episode, an exasperated realtor will show contestants three different, but equally hellish, tiny homes. At the end of the episode, the contestant(s) will sit down and weigh the pros and cons of each house on camera, bitching about the lack of a full-size dishwasher and reluctantly accepting a composting toilet, before settling on the worst possible choice. The final scenes of each episode shows the contestants settled into their tiny homes and resigned to constantly stepping on their partners.
And nothing brings me simultaneous hate and joy like yelling at the TV in my human-sized living room.
Others on social media feel the same anger I do when I watch an episode of Tiny House Hunters. I love how furious other people get watching it — it validates my own unbridled rage.
THIS BITCH ON TINY HOUSE HUNTERS WANTS ENTERTAINMENT SPACE, ROOM FOR MORE THAN ONE GUEST TO STAY OVER, A CRAFTS SPACE, FULL KITCHEN, BIG CLOSET, AND ROOM FOR 4 PETS. I’M ABOUT TO SCREAM AT THE TV LIKE A MAN WATCHING FOOTBALL
— ashley rose (@AshleyLogan_) February 26, 2019
house hunters: we are downgrading to a tiny home but we want arts and crafts space, entertainment space, a room for my daughter, sleeping space for multiple guests at once, space for the 4 dogs, lots of storage, high ceilings, big bathroom
— kellie ! (@nicks_millers) February 26, 2019
Episode 1: Hi, I’m Jarrrrrred with too many r’s. This is my friend who I am clearly banging named Too Good For Me. She thinks this is a bad idea because WIMMINS B SHOPPING and she probably thinks that she would like to not crack her head on the roof of my house
— Apocalypse Aphrodite (@LaurenInk) March 3, 2019
I am not hating on anyone who lives in a tiny house. Personally, I think they’re great, and love the idea of living somewhere with little impact on the environment. Given the chance, I would absolutely live in a tiny house. But would I live in a tiny house with three dogs, two sticky toddlers, and another fully grown human being? Absolutely fucking not. Tiny House Hunters is so rage-inducing because the contestants on the show manage to pick the worst houses and be in the worst circumstances for tiny house living.
My most vitriolic reaction to the show was during an especially cursed episode, when a couple bought a literal burned down shack surrounded by garbage for a massive $155,000. In a Slate interview, Aubree and Jordan explained that land in Los Angeles isn’t cheap, and that the fact that the patch of trash dirt was already zoned for residential living saved them thousands of dollars on permits.
To be fair, their reasoning does make sense. But in an infuriating follow-up interview published this year, the couple explained that after clearing the debris from the house and building a tiny guesthouse, they ran out of money and moved into the 18 by 18 foot guest house. Now they’re moving out of the property and into a full-size two bedroom home.
When Slate asked if they ever watch Tiny House Hunters, Aubree responded with “No, it’s triggering.”
As Roxane Gay wrote in Curbed, “When one aspires to own a tiny home, they have a corresponding tiny American dream.”
While some contestants on the show will probably thrive in a mobile tiny house, like most of the single people with pets, many seem to be trying to fix a deeper issue — whether it’s a couple desperately trying to fix their relationship by literally getting closer or a growing family that’s low on funds. Buying a tiny house like slapping on a bandaid after being mauled by a bear.
Like reading the worst posts on r/relationships or hate watching The Bachelor, I have a sick fascination with unpacking the characters of Tiny House Hunters. What makes anyone feel more alive than yelling at preventable disasters? You’ll probably love it, too.Read More
A lonely guy pretended to get stood up on a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner at Outback, wasted hours of a well-meaning but clueless server’s night, and went home with a free meal. Outback even offered him another free meal — provided he bring a real date.
27-year-old Stephen Bosner spent Feb. 14 on a mission: To bring home a free steak. He made a reservation for two at America’s favorite Australian-ish fast casual steakhouse, donned a suit jacket, and packed some tissue paper into plastic bag as a makeshift “gift.” He walked in, dateless, and told the host that the 10-minute wait was fine because
“she said she was running a bit late anyway.”
But his date didn’t exist — Bosner was doing it all for a bit. He spent the night live tweeting the date that never was, documenting the reactions of his waiter and the Valentine’s Day revelers around him.
if I went to Outback Steakhouse by myself tonight and asked for a table for 2, then got progressively sadder as the night went on alone, do you think they’d give me my steak for free?
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 14, 2019
He started with a beer for himself and a glass of Chardonnay for his phantom girlfriend. He left classic “let me know when you’re on your way” voicemail as the waiter walked by. He picked through one loaf of starter bread, and then didn’t even bother to slice the second, choosing to stuff the sad loaf directly into his mouth.
i mean there can’t be a sadder image than a guy in a suit
at Outback Steakhouse
on Valentine’s Day
sitting across from an untouched decanter of white wine.
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
Still parked at the table 15 minutes before the kitchen closed, Bosner chugged his date’s wine straight from the decanter as his waiter walked by.
“I’ve never seen someone scoop glassware as smoothly as he took the untouched glass and empty decanter from the table,” Bosner tweeted. “Every single person within eye range has glanced at me at some point during the evening.”
Naming his date’s untouched silverware “Katherine,” Bosner pretended to call his wayward girlfriend loudly enough for everyone at the bar.
“I take it you’re probably not gonna make it so …” he trailed off in the fake voicemail, adding enough of a pause for his audience to hear the sounds of people actually having good dates. “I guess I’ll talk to you later. Hope everything’s OK, hope nothing bad happened.”
It’s pathetic and hilarious, but a major dick move. Bosner made the waitstaff stay past their shift so he could forlornly stare at his steak 25 minutes past closing time. He started crying and ate dropped mac and cheese off the floor, eventually garnering enough sympathy for a nearby couple to pay for his meal for him.
When the waiter came to clear the table, he tried to offer words of wisdom “like a father telling his son that Grandma died.”
“Take care of yourself,” the concerned waiter told Bosner, clearly pitying the grifter. “Don’t let them get you down.”
UPDATE: a couple at the bar paid for my meal for me.
— Phteven (@baconflavoring) February 15, 2019
To pay it forward, he left the waiter a $20 and donated $50 to the American Civil Liberties Union.
“Otherwise,” he told the Washington Post “I’m going to have some real bad karma coming my way.”
Once the thread went viral, Outback even reached out and offered to cover his next date.
But some Twitter users didn’t find it funny at all, and criticized Bosner for wasting the server’s time. In addition to keeping the staff late, the server could have made well over $20 in tips by turning the table to other paying customers. Instead, he had to awkwardly deal with a fake sad dude, who used his empathy for a Twitter joke.
So this dude conned your employees and wasted everyone’s time, got STRANGERS he doesn’t know to pay for his meal and y’all give him more?
Gonna wear an all-black suit today and go into your restaurant crying pretending “my wife” died
Can y’all comp a few meals for me too??
— Tyler Conway (@jtylerconway) February 15, 2019
My thoughts exactly. That server is already working on V-day, and on top of that, it’s probably one of the most lucrative nights of the year for a server, and this guy costed him money for the sake of likes.
— Views from the 6……1-5 (@hughes_barton) February 15, 2019
According to Vice, scamming his way into a free meal was better than Bosner’s original Valentine’s Day plans.
“I figured, why not? It was better than sitting at home watching The Office again,” he explained.
While the thread is funny to read, maybe don’t be a jerk to people who work in the service industry.Read More
Good morning, everyone. Apparently we’re mad about towels.
Scrolling through Twitter on Monday, you might have seen a feed full of people arguing over the amount of towels you’re supposed to own. The Great Towel Debate started when Twitter user @Advil asked followers to settle an argument between him and his girlfriend.
“We have zero frame of reference on the appropriate amount of towels in a household of two,” he tweeted.
hello fellow adults. my gf and i have a question… what is the correct amount of towels to own? i said 10 and she looked at me like i was crazy. we have zero frame of reference on the appropriate amount of towels in a household of two.
— abdul (@Advil) February 17, 2019
People understandably had hot takes, but the hottest of them all was from Huffington Post writer Yashar Ali, who claimed that couples should “own a minimum” of 50 total towels. 50! Where do you even store that many towels?
Ali added that couples should own “preferably more.”
He also clarified the difference between a bath sheet and a bath towel, which rightfully blew people’s minds.
It was only a matter of time before people starting passive aggressively tweeting about towels.
owning a lot of towels is for:
1) very rich people
2) parents, but only after you leave home and yet all the towels are 15 years old and torn somehow
— libby watson (@libbycwatson) February 18, 2019
Y’all wilding on not having hand towels though I buy in bulk from Amazon because I feel like they ruin easily and I like cleaning my face with fresh towels
— Ira (@ira) February 18, 2019
Just checked Amazon. They’re out of towels. All the towels are gone. Hope y’all got your towels in a safe place. Hold your towels tight
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) February 18, 2019
I have like 17 kitchen towels, I’m not stepping into the towel discourse
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) February 18, 2019
So the answer seems to be: a bath sheet is a beach towel for people who can trace their lineage directly to Queen Margarethe of Denmark
— Seth Mandel (@SethAMandel) February 18, 2019
You should have at least 3 bath towels per person to cycle through in a given week. Each person should have an Italy towel. The kitchen should have at least 5 towels for surfaces and a bucket under the sink filled with an unspecified number of floor rags.
— salt, fat, acid, yeet (@hermit_hwarang) February 18, 2019
The true cost of towel-ownership is the space it takes up, not the price of the towels, so the appropriate amount to own is a function of local housing costs.
— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) February 18, 2019
Even the dictionary weighed in.
And searches for “bath sheet” spiked on Google.
“As a couple, you should own a minimum of …” became a brief meme.
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
1 Sativa cartridge
1 Indica cartridge
1 CBD dominant cartridge
1 Bag of high potency edibles
1 Bag of 10mg edibles
1 Bag of low potency 1:1 edibles
— Bryan (@MurderBryan) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
– 1 bed carved from an olive tree
– 1 bow that symbolizes kingship and virility
– 12 axe heads
– 1 funeral shroud, routinely unraveled by night
– multiple eagles that portend a coming disaster
– a dog
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
One: the cow as white as milk
Two: the cape as red as blood
Three: the hair as yellow as corn
Four: the slipper as pure as gold
Five: 12 bath towels you have stolen from various gyms
— R. Eric Thomas (@oureric) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should also own:
58 58’s, weed bags, ziplocks
Big rocks, coke spots, two Glocks, one ox
Crumbs chopped, hot pots, one plate, crack Spot
— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) February 18, 2019
All grown couples should have
12 Shower towels
16 Tea towels
8 Guest towels
1 Mystery towel
19 Wash linens
10 Hand towels
9 Hand towels (other hand)
16 Yōkai towels
— Italian Alex Pareene (@pareene) February 18, 2019
Looks like everyone has an opinion on towels.Read More
When I turned 33-years-old, I decided it was time for me to become a “real adult” and do things real adults do — eat meals at a table, learn what a stock is, and maybe even buy a house.
The former goals were what I could foreseeably accomplish, the latter was what I wanted most of all. All of my high school classmates did it, even the ones who couldn’t tell the difference between Martin Luther and Martin Luther King Jr. As someone who has plenty of unresolved adolescent psychodrama, I refused to accept defeat.
So I downloaded multiple housing apps and did what I knew best: I swiped.
Swipe right to fail
There are dozens of real estate apps — Zillow, Trulia, StreetEasy, and Realtor.com to name a few — but there are infinite ways these apps have managed to consume every free moment of my time and every available neuron of my brain. I started off my house hunt by casually swiping “just to see what was out there,” before the apps became a soul-mutilating obsession.
I swiped before work, during lunch, and at all mealtimes. I swiped on my way up elevators and down escalators and on each and every one of my commutes. Books? Why read books on the train? Friends? Why talk to friends in real life? I was working on building my future, I was swiping damnit.
After all, swiping had served me well in my twenties: swiping got me my girlfriend (on Tinder), my apartment (on Naked Apartments), my therapist (on ZocDoc), and hundreds of followers on Twitter, just by liking the right poisonous trash.
There was nothing I could do, there was no way I could stop myself: Securing a house was the last milestone I needed to reach so I could secure my financial future and one-up all my frenemies on Facebook with photos of my newly polished softwood kitchen floors.
I just couldn’t swipe my way to a house, though. Housing prices were astronomically higher than my extremely dumb 20-year-old brain ever imagined. Even as I lowered my standards — a studio apartment for me, my girlfriend, and our future two kids, or a “fixer upper home” that included a collapsed toilet full of cat hair — it all felt painfully out of reach.
It became increasingly clear that I couldn’t afford anything I needed. If I wanted a home, I’d have to leave the city entirely and find a new career. I’d have to give up on having more than one child or find a way to monetize the cute one. To be fair, things could change for me and the millions of people in my generation in the exact same financial position.
There’s plenty of housing apps but not enough housing
By now, the statistics about home ownership are familiar and exhausting. Home ownership for millennials is low: a full eight percent lower than Gen-Xers and baby boomers’ rates when they were at the same age. By this point, we should have 3.4 million more homeowners than we currently do.
For communities of color, these numbers are even smaller. Black home ownership has dropped far more dramatically than other comparably sized demographic since 2000, according to the Urban Institute.
Sure, in some parts of the country, home prices have been dropping. Yet home purchases have decreased as mortgage rates have gone up. Real estate brokerage firm Redfin recently found that the supply of homes middle-class families can buy has declined by 86 percent in 49 different metropolitan areas.
The reasons for this crisis are well-documented, including spiraling inequality, flat wages, decreased housing supply, and rising school debt. In the case of the black community, you can add on decades of gerrymandering, subprime mortgage lending, and racial bias.
It’s not like millennials have much of a choice about where they live, either. Many millennials move to urban centers where housing prices are highest because that’s where the best career opportunities are. If you’re queer, or trans, or a person of color, moving to rural or suburban areas where housing prices are often lowest isn’t always the best option. You need to move to diverse cities, where you can find other people just like you.
I would love to make a living as a writer who works out of her beautiful rustic queer commune in Northern California. Alas, I cannot.
In the cities, the dream of homeownership is even more distant. If I were to rely on only my and my partner’s salary alone, it would take us 45 years to buy a two bedroom apartment in New York. I would be eighty years old by the time I made my first down payment. My flesh will be falling off my face. My uterus will look like a California raisin. Even then, I won’t be able to write that check unless housing prices stay constant which, lol.
The future is bleak for most of us. None of it stops us from swiping.
Can’t Stop Won’t Stop Swiping Help
Despite all of this crushing economic data working against me, I still haven’t deleted these apps. I love to pretend that with just the right amount of scrimping and saving and relatives dying, I’ll be able to secure a two bedroom apartment within an hour radius of my job. I also do love the swiping.
To be clear: iI the economic environment does change, home ownership is theoretically possible for me, which it isn’t for most people my age. That makes it an absolute privilege. Until that day comes, however, I’ll be window shopping on the internet, ooh-ing and aah-ing over granite countertops and stainless steel appliances and — because I live in New York — closets.
Apps are designed to keep you clicking. Housing apps are built to make you desire. There are photos that you feel forced to swipe through, descriptions and data you feel compelled to analyze. Thanks to Trulia, Zillow, and StreetEasy, I can now picture myself in a 12′ x 25′ living room with an antique pocket door and an oversized window that overlooks a tree, not a rat den.
I just can’t do much besides imagining. The apps won’t save me. Forgive me if I don’t stop hoping that one day, they will.Read More
Some children are clearly destined to go on to great things.
Journalist Peter Hartlaub’s child most definitely falls into this category.
Just look at this tweet Hartlaub posted about his son’s sugar smuggling antics, and tell us you’re not impressed:
The most “Shawshank Redemption” story you’ll hear today:
My younger son tries to sneak sugar packets out of restaurants and eat them in the car. We’ve taken to checking his pockets, so he stuffed five of them in a hollowed-out breadstick. pic.twitter.com/F81jQuvW7g
— Peter Hartlaub (@peterhartlaub) August 21, 2018
That is quite something.
Unsurprisingly, Twitter had questions.
How did he manage to do this at the table without you seeing?
— courtney (@CourtneySF) August 21, 2018
It was a family event with 60 or so people. I’m guessing whoever was sitting near him thought it was hilarious and covered for him.
— Peter Hartlaub (@peterhartlaub) August 21, 2018
Some chipped in with parenting stories of their own.
I wish my kid was this creative.
He sneaks fruit snacks when he’s downstairs by himself and hides the wrappers in the couch cushions.
I finally told him “if you just threw them in the trash we’d never know but eventually we’re going to find the ones you leave in the couch.”
— Pusha Turn 🇻🇮 (@paidchex) August 21, 2018
Mostly, though, people were all about the Shawshank quotes.
Get busy living, or get busy dying. That’s God damn right.
— LOLKNBR 📎 (@LOLKNBR) August 21, 2018
At the base of that cupboard, you’ll find a breadstick that has no earthly business being in an Alameda kitchen …
— Dave Evans (@993_dave) August 21, 2018
Andy Dufresne would surely be proud.Read More
There’s a whole world on YouTube that doesn’t involve terrible people, it just doesn’t feel that way right now.
The first week of 2018 wasn’t exactly a banner week for YouTube star Logan Paul, for example. Paul, known as the less offensive Paul brother (*&^@&#^?), kicked things off by releasing a tone-deaf video where he encounters a dead body in Japan’s suicide forest. The controversy sparked a debate about what’s suitable content for YouTube (hint: it doesn’t involve gawking at suicide), and prompted many older millennials and Gen-Xers to wonder, “Is there anyone not awful on YouTube?”
Fellow kids, I’m pleased to report there are.
If you’re not that familiar with the vlogging community, it’s likely you only heard about two YouTube personalities in the past year — Logan Paul, or a YouTube personality named “PewDewPie” who loves to make jokes about dead Jews.
Thankfully, there are (mostly incredibly young) vloggers out there making largely inoffensive, not entirely insipid, and sometimes even — get ready for it — good content.
Here are just a few.
1. Liza Koshy
Just 21 years old, Liza Koshy is one of those incredibly successful young people who actually deserves everything that’s coming to them. She’s a skilled physical comedian who produces well-cut (i.e. not insanely choppy) videos, and her range of impressions is broad. It’s the kind of content you can be non-depressed that teenagers are watching.
2. Lilly Singh
Lilly Singh made $10.5 million in 2016 and she did it without capitalizing on a tragedy in a suicide forest. Instead, she relied on her natural comedic instincts, spot-on impersonations of her parents, and genuinely astute commentary on young adult life.
If you’re new to video game commentary, or mostly hate it but want to learn, videogamedunkey is where it’s at. Videogamedunkey doesn’t have the painful arrogance like others in his genre, and he’s actually capable of crafting engaging, well-constructed narratives. Who knew that such a thing was possible on YouTube?
4. Lindsay Ellis
For all you book learners out there, there’s Lindsay Ellis, a media critic who actually makes media criticism bearable. Ellis addresses everything from vanishing Disney villains to nostalgia, without ever sounding like your “Intro to Film Theory” TA/wannabe professor.
5. Bill Wurtz
Bill Wurtz is less of a YouTube personality than he is a producer of deeply weird animated videos, but he’s on this list because I like him so goshdarn much. You’ve probably seen at least one of these videos and thought, “I’m appalled by how much I love this.”
Sure, some of his more erratic material borders on twee, but we all need a little Wes Anderson in our lives.
6. Nathan Zed
Nathan Zed doesn’t vlog frequently, partially for personal reasons, and partially because he only speaks when there’s something that needs to be said. Zed is one of the more thoughtful ones of the bunch, addressing everything from body positivity to the responsibilities of YouTube personalities. (Yes! He actually thinks about this!)
7. Hannah Hart
You probably know Hart from “My Drunk Kitchen,” her weekly YouTube series where she cooks while intoxicated. Hart also makes videos that are more personal and specific to the LGBTQ community, whether it’s about the coming out process or managing queer relationships.
Kingsley is another familiar, proudly out YouTube personality. Kingsley’s commentary about everything about Katy Perry’s betrayal of the gays to “Tragic Gingerbread houses” is like old-school Buzzfeed, modernized and made better for 2017.
8. Evelyn from the Internets
Watch this video. Soak up all that magical content. Only then can you return to this post.
Evelyn from the Internet has done more than this viral video — including everything from makeup tutorials to cultural critique — but this is a YouTuber at the height of her form.
9. Bretman Rock
Known, accurately, as “The Internet’s most fabulously fierce makeup guru,” Rock rose to fame with his breakout “How to Contour” video series.
10. Primitive Technology
Who would have ever thought that a video entitled “Reusable charcoal mound” would achieve over 10 million views? Not me, certainly, and not any person I know.
Still, Primitive Technology, who constructs devices cavemen would have built, has an insanely loyal following, with close to 7 million subscribers.
Best of all? He barely talks.
Apparently, the key to dominating a platform that constantly excretes verbal diarrhea is to embrace silence.
It’s a lesson for all of the bright, beautiful wannabe YouTube stars everywhere.Read More
You know a meme has gone too far when people start sharing images of Tide Pods locked up at their local store.
Several retailers including Walmart, Walgreens, Ralph’s, and Food 4 Less have locked up Tide Pods in plastic blocks or behind glass doors, according to recent social media reports. The protective measure was noticed as the Tide Pods internet challenge and meme hit peak stupidity.
While several people shared stories of the cleaning product being trapped in their grocery store’s version of a laundry aisle hoosegow on Monday, social media reports of such punishment stretch back to the beginning of January.
A manager at the Houston, Texas Walgreens pictured in the above tweet said over the phone that the Pods were secured in plastic boxes due to recent thefts. Other retailers, like Walmart and Kroger, also noted that thefts forced them to lock up the Tide Pods, but they did so prior to the internet hysteria.
Tide Pods have caused a frenzy in recent weeks as teens dare each other to eat the toxic-filled plastic that looks like a colorful gusher. The pods have been dubbed “forbidden snacks” or “forbidden fruit” and videos of teens frying the soap-filled pouches or eating them raw have been circulating on YouTube and social media for weeks. Someone even made edible sushi shaped like the pods.
It’s gotten so bad that the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, the same government agency that recalled those fiery hoverboards, is pleading with the public to not eat laundry pods.
Eating the detergent can cause vomiting, loss of consciousness, cardiac arrest, and other very bad things. Tide Pods have been a concern for years, with parents being warned to keep the product out of reach of children who may mistake the poisonous cleaner for candy. But now people are willfully eating the packaged toxic goop. At least 10 deaths have been linked to detergent pods, according to CBS. Procter & Gamble, the makers of Tide, has warned against eating the pods since the government agency sounded the alarm. “They should not be played with,” the Tide manufacturer said in a statement to CBS. “Even if meant as a joke. Safety is no laughing matter.”
Tide has even been running a PSA on social media featuring Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski sternly wagging his finger when asked if Tide Pods are OK to eat.
Here are some more witness accounts of the detergent prisons:
Update Jan. 15, 2018 at 9:20 p.m. PT:
A Procter & Gamble spokesperson said locking up Tide Pods was the stores’ choice: “Individual retailers decide how to shelve products, often making decisions on a store-by-store basis,” the spokesperson said in an email, adding, “We do know that some Tide products have been in secure shelving in some retailers prior to the recent social media conversations.”Read More
Among America’s unforgiving recycling elite, no bag is more universally revered than the almighty canvas tote bag.
Once a demonized member of the bag community, the canvas tote has risen to prominence in recent years as a socially conscious sustainable alternative to plastic. Wherever you go, you’re bound to be circled by aggressive tote bag pushers, who offer the tote as a “complimentary gift” in exchange for your charitable contribution or participation in some boring-ass event.
Alone, tote bags are benign. Together, they’re a malevolent force of nature. Overstocked American kitchen cabinets are struggling to breathe, suffocating under the weight of their tote bag mountain.
When will our romance end?
It’s easy to understand why we fell so hopelessly in love. There’s nothing more romantic than the American tote bag — washable, reusable, foldable, and very often font-conscious. And while stereotyping is bad, stereotyping about people who use tote bags has proven to be historically accurate, according to a recent study I conducted in my brain at Barnes & Noble.
For years, we’ve all lived under the same exhausted bag paradigm. The tote bag is considered to be far sexier than its inherently wasteful, bad boy plastic alternative. The story is in the data. Americans use 100 billion plastic bags a year, which requires 12 million barrels of oil to produce. Only 1 percent of plastic bags are returned for recycling (to be honest, I didn’t even know that was possible). Plastic bags are destroying our rivers, our oceans and this fugly tree outside my living room window.
But who’s to say tote bags are that much better? Study after study has come to the same grating conclusion. Tote bags are being over, not under, produced in America. Many of us have more tote bags than we could ever dream of, and we’re not using them particularly efficiently. Take a look at your own collection. How long have you used the same tote bags for? Are you really using them all? How much is pure tote bag waste?
Whatever you think about plastic bags, they’re actually leaving less of a carbon footprint than totes, at least when it comes to manufacturing. The production of canvas totes generates 131 times as many emissions of plastic bags. In order to be just as effective as plastic bags, that means you’d have to use your tote bag at least 131 times.
That’s obscene. I don’t think I’ve even left my house 131 times this year.
Anyways, enough book learnin’. What makes tote bags so devastatingly cruel to our home environments is how much space they take up in our vulnerable storage spaces. Tell me you don’t have a tote bag full of other totes. Maybe you have a closet full of nothing but totes, or maybe just a cabinet stuffed to the gills.
Don’t get me wrong — I love a good classic NPR or New Yorker tote, something that screams “I’m educated and pleasant.”
I don’t know the exact date the nonprofit machine started giving out complimentary totes for charitable donations, but it wasn’t always this way. Back in the carefree pre-recycling era, we used to get free mugs, free calendars, free T-shirts.
The good ol’ days are gone, baby, and I’ll do anything to get them back.
For nonprofits and corporations seeking to diversify their complimentary goodies, might I recommend eschewing totes and considering these undervalued potentially branded items:
Nice dried meats
Cheese puff barrels
We don’t heave to live in fear of our tote bag landfills anymore. It’s time to cut off the supply. Once we’ve liberated ourselves from tote bag welfare state, we can learn how to tote like the responsible good citizens we believe ourselves to be.
It’s toteally within reach.