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Everything coming to Netflix in May 2019

Oh, Netflix. You've done it again.
Image: Brian Douglas / FX / THE CW

We love Netflix year round, but daaaang is their May lineup fan-tas-tic! 

On the TV front, you can catch the latest Serpent shenanigans in Riverdale: Season 3, weep uncontrollably at the phenomenal first season of FX’s Pose, indulge on six new episode of Nailed It!, and get political with Hasan Minhaj in the third volume of his show, Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj.

If you’re looking for movies to stream, start with Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, a Ted Bundy biopic starring Zac Efron like you’ve never seen him before. Mashable’s ace film critic Angie Han wasn’t a huge fan of the film when she saw it at Sundance, but you can bet everyone will be talking about it when it hits Netflix, for good or for bad.

Check out everything coming to and going from Netflix in May 2019 below.

Top Pick: Easy, Season 3

Hilarious, poignant, and unique, Easy is coming to an end after debuting a third and final season this May — and while we’re sad to see it go, we can’t wait for those last episodes to arrive.

If you’re unfamiliar with Easy, as too many are, it’s an emotional anthology series that follows various characters through pivotal (and often painful) moments in their lives. You can jump in at any point, although a few Season 1 characters do return in Season 2. 

Easy is the kind of show that will make your heart hurt in all the best ways. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll consider buying a sexy construction worker costume. Enjoy!

Easy: Season 3 begins streaming on Netflix 5/10.


A Pesar De Todo (5/3)
Alles ist gut
Always Be My Maybe
Angels & Demons
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Bathtubs Over Broadway
Chasing Liberty
Code Geass Lelouch of the Rebellion Part 1 & 2
Disney’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat
Dry Martina
Dumb and Dumber
Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Gente que viene y bah
Good Sam
Gosford Park
(1988) (5/1)
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Her Only Choice
Jo Pil-ho: The Dawning Rage
John & Yoko: Above Us Only Sky
Just Friends
Knock Down The House
Like Arrows
Morir para contar
Mr. Mom
Munafik 2
My Week with Marilyn
Olympus Has Fallen
Revolutionary Road
Rim of the World
See You Yesterday
Svaha: The Sixth Finger
Take Me Home Tonight
Taking Lives
The Blackcoat’s Daughter
The Da Vinci Code
The Dark Crystal
(1982) (5/1)
The Heat: A Kitchen (R)evolution
The Last Summer
The Matrix
The Matrix Reloaded
The Matrix Revolutions
The One I Love
The Perfection
To Rome With Love
Wedding Crashers
Weed the People
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Wine Country


1994: Limited Series (5/17)
A Tale of Two Kitchens
After Maria
All In My Family
Alta Mar
: Season 7 (5/21)
Bad Blood
: Season 2 (5/31)
Black Spot
: Season 2 (5/31)
(2018): Season 1 (TBD)
Chip & Potato
: Season 3 (5/2)
Cupcake & Dino – General Services
: Season 2 (5/3)
DC’s Legends of Tomorrow
: Season 4 (TBD)
Dead to Me
Dennis & Gnasher: Unleashed!
: Season 3 (5/10)
Harvey Girls Forever!
: Season 2 (5/10)
Historical Roasts
How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast)
Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer
: Season 2 (5/1)
It’s Bruno
Killer Ratings
Lucifer: Season 4 (5/8)
Malibu Rescue (5/13)
Nailed It!
: Season 3 (5/17)
One Night in Spring
: Seasons 1-2 (5/27)
Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj
: Volume 3 (5/12)
: Season 1 (5/10)
Prince of Peoria: Part 2
Queen of the South: Season 3
ReMastered: The Lion’s Share
: Season 3 (5/23)
Rosario Tijeras (Mexico Version)
: Season 2 (5/20)
Roswell, New Mexico
: Season 1 (5/1)
She’s Gotta Have It
: Season 2 (5/24)
Slasher: Solstice
Still LAUGH-IN: The Stars Celebrate
: Season 4 (TBD)
: Season 14 (5/3)
The Flash
: Season 5
The Mechanism
: Season 2 (TBD)
The Rain
: Season 2 (5/17)
The Society
True and the Rainbow Kingdom: Mushroom Town
Tuca & Bertie
Wanda Sykes: Not Normal
Well Intended Love
When They See Us
White Gold
: Season 2 (5/17)


8 Mile (5/1)
Bill Nye, the Science Guy
: Collection 1 (5/15)
Cold Justice
: Collection 3(5/1)
Dances with Wolves
Disney High School Musical 3: Senior Year
Disney’s Bridge to Terabithia
Dr. No
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
For Your Eyes Only
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Russia with Love
I Know What You Did Last Summer (5/31)
Jaws 2
Jaws 3
Jaws: The Revenge
Licence to Kill
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
Sixteen Candles
Sliding Doors
Somm: Into the Bottle
Switched at Birth
: Seasons 1-5(5/11)
The Birdcage
The Boss Baby
The Dirty Dozen
The English Patient
The Lovely Bones
The Notebook
The Other Boleyn Girl
Tomorrow Never Dies
West Side Story
(1961) (5/31)

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Here are all the Netflix originals coming in May

has made great strides in beefing up its library of original content, and this month welcomes more Netflix originals than any month in recent memory. From hard-hitting documentaries to irreverent comedies to children’s TV shows, these Netflix original movies and series will keep subscribers busy for a long time. See our top recommendations along with the full list of Netflix originals coming this month. (And if you want more non-original content, you can check out our full list of in May and .)

Netflix originals in May 2019: Top picks to watch

1) (May 1)

The star ofKnock Down the Houseis Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.), and theres really no way around it. But Rachel Lears film documentary wouldnt be complete without three other women who ran for Congress in their respective districts in 2018: West Virginias Paula Jean Swearengin, Missouris Cori Bush, and Nevadas Amy Vilela. Lears gives us a real-time look at the campaign trail hustle for everyday citizens. She also shows the emotional stakes. Initially funded on Kickstarter, it was purchased by Netflix earlier this year for a stunning $10 million. Its clear theres a desire to see these feel-good, grassroots stories of the progressive movement, even as the rapidly changing landscape leading to 2020 recontextualizes them. Audra Schroeder

Jubilee Films/Vimeo

2) Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile(May 3)

Ted Bundy was not a special man, nor was he a particularly brilliant one. He was just an attractive white male whose surface-level charm allowed him to commit horrific crimes against women for years without getting caught. Netflixs highly anticipated biopic stars Zac Efron as the infamous serial killer, and its based on his former girlfriend Elizabeth Kloepfers memoir, The Phantom Prince: My Life with Ted Bundy. Bryan Rolli

Brian Douglas/Netflix

3) Tuca & Bertie(May 3)

FromBoJack Horsemanproduction designer and producerLisa Hanawalt comesTuca & Bertie, a new animated comedy about two 30-year-old bird women (voiced by Tiffany Haddish and Ali Wong) navigating their personal and professional lives. The two pals deal with workplace sexism, crappy dates, and the existential dread that comes with getting older. They dont have all the answers, but they have each other, and that might be enough. B.R.


4) Wine Country(May 10)

Friendships do not blossom by accident; they require constant nurturing and troubleshooting when things turn sour. Abby (Amy Poehler) learns that the hard way when she plans a Napa Valley getaway with her best friends to celebrate Rebeccas (Rachel Dratch) 50th birthday. Poehler, playing her typical Type-A self, quickly realizes that even the most intimate friendships get held to the fire on a vacation where everything seems to go wrong. As Tammy (Tina Fey) encouragingly puts it: Whatever gets said, its probably what the person has always felt, and the alcohol just let it out.B.R.

Colleen Hayes/NEtflix

5) Jailbirds(May 10)

Life inside prison operates by its own set of rules, and you better adapt if you dont want a rough time to get even rougher. Netflix original docuseries Jailbirds takes a harrowing look inside the walls of the Sacramento County Jail, where inmates make enemies, forge alliances, and sometimes even fall in love as they come to terms with their present reality. The common thread: Inmates do whatever they can to make their time behind bars easier. We might be locked up physically, one inmate says, but mentally and emotionally, Im rollin.B.R.


Netflix originals: All the movies and series coming in May 2019

May 1


A look at four women running for office in the midterm elections.

Munafik 2 (film)

A Muslim healer helps a woman battling an evil spirit.

May 3

Tuca & Bertie (series)

Tiffany Haddish and Ali Wong star in this animated series about bird friendship.

A Pesar de Todo (film)

Four sisters investigate their genealogy after their mother’s death.

All in My Family (film)

Filmmaker Hao Wu started a family with his partner in America, and struggles to get acceptance from his Chinese family back home.

Alles ist gut (film)

A woman tries to move on from an assault.

Dead to Me (series)

Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini star in this dramedy about loss and secrets.

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (film)

A look at the life of Ted Bundy (Zac Efron) from his girlfriend’s point of view.

Flinch (series)

Contestants must endure a series of challenges without flinching.

Jo Pil-ho: The Dawning Rage (film)

A cop on the run joins forces with a teenage girl.

The Last Summer (film)

Riverdale‘s KJ Apa stars in this coming-of-age story about the summer before college.

True and the Rainbow Kingdom season 2 (kids)

True is back.

Undercover (series)

Two agents go undercover as a couple to catch a drug dealer.

May 6

Abyss (series)

A woman comes back to life in another body.

May 8

Lucifer season 4 (series)

He’s back.

May 10

Wine Country (film)

Amy Poehler directs Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, and more in this road-trip movie.

Easy season 3 (series)

More tales of love and lust from Chicago.

Gente Que Viene y Bah (film)

An architect tries to move on from infidelity with the help of her family.

Jailbirds (series)

A look at the women incarcerated at Sacramento County Jail.

ReMastered: The Lion’s Share (series)

Rian Malan tracks down the original writer of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

The Society (series)

Teens form a society after their parents mysteriously disappear from a New England town.

May 12

The Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj: Volume 3 (series)

The weekly show returns.

May 13

Malibu Rescue (film)

A teen is forced to join a junior lifeguard program.

May 14

Revisions (series)

An anime series about high schoolers fighting cyborgs.

Still Laugh-In: The Stars Celebrate (film)

Lily Tomlin, Tiffany Haddish, and more celebrate the influential ’60s sketch show.

May 16

Good Sam (film)

A reporter investigates a good Samaritan.

May 17

1994 (series)

This docuseries looks at a pivotal moment in Mexican politics.

It’s Bruno! (series)

A man and his dog walk the streets of New York City.

Maria (film)

An orphaned girl becomes an assassin.

Morir Para Contrar (film)

War correspondentHernn Zin interviews other journalists about their experiences in war zones.

Nailed It! season 3 (series)

More kitchen disasters.

See You Yesterday (film)

Two friends build a time machine to stop a senseless killing.

The Rain season 2 (series)

A search for a cure carries on.

Well-Intended Love (series)

A woman with leukemia marries a CEO to get a bone marrow transplant.

White Gold season 2 (series)

The ’80s-set series returns.

May 20

Prince of Peoria Part 2 (series)

A prince tries to live a normal life in the suburbs.

May 21

Wanda Sykes: Not Normal (standup)

In her first Netflix special, Sykes explores politics, aging, race, and more.

May 22

One Spring Night (series)

A chance meeting leads to the unexpected.

May 23

Slasher: Solstice (series)

The anthology series returns.

May 24

She’s Gotta Have It season 2 (series)

Nola Darling is back.

The Perfection (film)

Allison Williams and Logan Browning star in this thriller about the limits of perfection.


After Maria (film)

A look at families living in New York after Hurricane Maria.

Alta Mar (series)

A Spanish thriller about mysterious deaths aboard a luxury liner.

Joy (film)

A Nigerian woman tries to break free from the world of sex trafficking.

What/If (series)

Two newlyweds accept an offer from a wealthy woman (Rene Zellweger).

May 27

Historical Roasts (series)

Jeff Ross brings together comedians and actors to roast historical figures.

May 31

When They See Us (series)

Ava DuVernay’s four-part look at the Central Park Five.

Always Be My Maybe (film)

Two old friends reconnect and wonder if there’s more than friendship.

Bad Blood season 2 (series)

The Montreal crime drama returns.

How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast) (series)

A German teen builds a drug empire from his bedroom.

Still not sure what to watch tonight? Here are our guides for the absolute , must-see , , , and .

Looking for something more specific? Here are our Netflix guides for the , , anime, , , , , , , , , , and streaming right now. There are also guaranteed to make you cry, to melt your brain, , and when you really need to laugh. Or check out Flixable, a search engine for Netflix.

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The Oscar-nominated movies you’ll actually want to watch again

With the 91st Academy Awards set for Sunday, you have some tough choices. And yeesh, eight best picture nominees? That’s a lot of screen time.

So, we asked the Daily Dot’s newsroom: Of the acclaimed favorites poised to win Oscars, which one would you actually want to watch again? Prestige films can be a tedious and joyless experience, after all, and these are the films we can’t wait to stream with a fervor usually reserved for season 3 of The Office.

Even if something here was nominated as a documentary, foreign, or animated film, we’d still rather watch it again than, say, actual best picturenominees likeGreen Book and Bohemian Rhapsody. Here’s what the gang came back with.

Oscars 2019: The best pictures

The Favourite

With 10 nominations, The Favourite is tied with Roma as the most popular movie at the Oscars. It’s also a surprisingly offbeat choice: A historical movie with a dark sense of humor and an all-female love triangle at its heart, with none of the genre tropes you usually expect from period dramas. Starring Olivia Colman as the 18th century Queen Anne and Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz as her two warring love-interests, it’s become a cult hit thanks to its sensitive yet bitchily hilarious tone. Director Yorgos Lanthimos is known for making weird, often violent movies like The Lobster and Killing of a Sacred Deer, and this is his first truly mainstream hit. Gavia Baker-Whitelaw

Fox Searchlight/YouTube

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is a nearly perfect film (and its a travesty it isnt nominated for best picture). Each shot is packed with details, just about everything in the script gets paid off by the end of the movie, and the animation itself is unlike anything weve ever seen before; it really feels like a physical comic book come to life. Sony Animation had an even bigger task at hand with the film. It not only had to win over longtime fans and animation skeptics but also convince burnt out moviegoers that this was an essential story to tell.

With Into the Spider-Verse, Sony did that and more. By focusing the story on Miles Morales, the Black-Latinx Brooklyn teenager who takes on the mantle, it gave us an exhilarating and hilarious film that rewards on multiple rewatches. The introduction of its motley crewwhich included Gwen Stacy, Spider-Man Noir, Spider-Ham, Peni Parker, and a schlubby middle-aged Peter Parkermade us want to spend more time with all of them. And in the midst of the films often beautiful chaos, it contained a refreshing story with an even greater message: anyone can wear the mask. Nothing encompasses that more than Miles leap of faith.

Even if it doesnt win the animated feature Oscar, the films legacy is already shaping up: Miles Morales is going to change lives. Michelle Jaworski

Sony Pictures Entertainment/YouTube

This foreign language nominee is up against , another movie about unconventional families. But Hirokazu Kore-edas Shoplifters relies less on memory and reconstructing the past, and it lives in a totally different world. We meet the family at the heart of the film in present-day Tokyo and see patriarch Osamu (Lily Franky) and son Shota (Jyo Kairi) in their first choreographed act of petty theft. Kore-eda toggles between showing the family as a whole, living in a cramped house with no privacy, and as individuals enduring mindless, demeaning jobs. When they take in a girl whos been abused by her mother, the family dynamic changes but not in a negative way. Shoplifters shows a group of people thrown together, doing the one thing they know how to do to get by, which makes the second act even more devastating. Audra Schroeder

Magnolia Pictures/YouTube


Alfonso Cuarns Oscar contender is indulgent. But the Mexican director earned every frame. Based on his childhood as an upper-middle-class kid in 1970s Mexico City, the movie recreates vivid memories with stunning detail. I went to kindergarten in Mexico City during the 80s, and hearing vendors near Chapultepec park sell balloons and miniature toy skeletons was an overwhelming thing to feel again, even streaming at home on Netflix. But the film isnt some love letter to one type of persons experience like Richard Linklaters Boyhood, its about the shared trauma of a nation. One with a perpetual chip on its shoulder. You learn that even in the affluent Roma neighborhood, the people who talk about the NFL and buy Fords that dont fit in the garage to feel like theyve arrived at something in society are just filling voids. Romas hero is the woman who struggles most, carries everyone elses emotional labor with unsinkable resolution, and deals. Ramon Ramirez



Nobody knows how to tug at heartstrings like the artists and animators at Pixar. For decades, their touching animated shorts have brought countless moviegoers to tears over seemingly mundane moments and objects: a love story between umbrellas, a lonely volcano, a terrified baby bird, a stork struggling at his day job. But with Bao, director Domee Shi manages to traverse the entire narrative arc of a mother/son relationship from birth to adulthood, introducing unconditional love, rejection, and humor in turn to take the audience on an intense emotional journeyall without saying a word. Maybe its because I married into a close-knit family, or maybe its because my love language is food, but this one gets me every time, no matter what. Next time you watch, bring the mouthwatering bao recipe to life in a less literal way by making your own dumplings, courtesy of the movie menu maestro, Binging With Babish. Monica Riese

YouTube Movies/YouTube


You can argue over the accuracy and political implications of Spike Lees BlacKkKlansman all you want, but neither changes the fact that its an exhilarating crime comedy/drama that gleefully indicts our modern sociopolitical climate. John David Washington stars as Ron Stallworth, the first Black detective at the Colorado Springs Police Department in the 1970s. Washington gives Stallworth a certain lackadaisical detachment thats amusingly at odds with the gravity of his mission: to infiltrate and expose a local Ku Klux Klan chapter. A strong supporting castincluding Adam Driver as the wiry Detective Philip “Flip” Zimmerman and Topher Grace as a bumbling David Dukeoffers some welcome comic relief. But you wont be laughing when BlacKkKlansman makes a 180-degree tonal shift in its final minutes, lest viewers forget how little this country has actually evolved on the racial front. Bryan Rolli

Movieclips Trailers/YouTube

Black Panther

Black Panther was released in February 2018a whole year ago. Usually, when a movie is released early in the year, everyone forgets about it by the time the Oscars are announced. But Black Panther was the highest-grossing film of the year. And people are still talking about it. Director Ryan Coogler gave us a Marvel film that felt different than anything wed seen before in the superhero genre. The titular hero, played by Chadwick Boseman, is kind and sensitive and not threatened by the multiple strong women characters who are constantly saving his life. The villain, Erik Killmonger (played by Michael B. Jordan), is a complex character and not just a plot device. And the visuals of the fictional African country Wakanda are stunning. At the end of the year, we also got Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Somehow, two of the best films of the year were based on Marvel comic book characters. Tiffany Kelly


A Star Is Born

A Star Is Born is my second choice mainly because I didnt think anyone else on staff would select it. Someone has to stand up for Ally! Before I saw the remake, I saw all the memes that people made from screengrabs of the trailer. So it was impossible to go into the movie with a clear mind. But the memes didnt prepare me for a movie where Bradley Cooper pees on himself onstage during an awards ceremony. Or for Lady Gagaperforming a catchy song about butts on SNL. Really, this movie has everything. “Shallow” will never leave my head, and Ive accepted that fact. TK

Warner Bros./YouTube


In some ways, Adam McKays Dick Cheney biopic lives up to the promise of its initial trailers. Frequent method actor Christian Bale gives arguably his most transformative performance to date as the drawling, potbellied Cheney, while Steve Carell and Sam Rockwell combine humor and heft in their turns as Donald Rumsfeld and George W. Bush, respectively. But the clearly conservative-baiting film often plays like a rote origin story, checking all the requisite biopic boxes while skimping on the drama. The funny moments feel shoehorned into a glacial plot, while the narrative framework hints at a big reveal that lands with a thud. Cheneys illustrious political career warrants a movie that will critically evaluate his heinous actions. Vice is content to simply point and laugh. BR

Movieclips Trailers/YouTube


If you saw On the Basis of Sex but were disappointed by the films singular focus on Ruth Bader Ginsburgs early career, consider supplementing with a rewatch of RBG. This documentary, directed by Betsy West and Julie Cohen, includes interviews from family, fans, and Gloria Friggin Steinem and manages to be both broader and deeper than the fictionalized Hollywood account that came out the same year. Even in its dutiful documentation, though, its clear that RBG is ultimately a film for Ginsburgs fans: The deeply humanizing portrait includes a tour of her collars and a confirmation of her internet-famous workout routine, plus a little hint of the typically austere womans sharp sense of humor (and terrible reputation in the kitchen). As half the nation breathes a sigh of relief upon seeing Ginsburg return to the Supreme Court after lung cancer surgery earlier this year, its the perfect time to rally the fan club with RBG. MR


First Reformed

Paul Schraders First Reformed is only nominated for best original screenplay, which feels like a minor sinSchraders direction and Ethan Hawkes performance made for one of the most transcendent, haunting movie experiences of 2018. First Reformed makes Bohemian Rhapsody look like Scooby Doo: The Movie. Perhaps it transcends Oscars. Hawkes portrayal of quietly self-destructive upstate New York pastor Ernst Toller anchors the film and his growing crisis of faith seeps into its empty spaces. Its slow cinema about decay and collapse that is both environmental and spiritual. But Schrader makes sure he leaves you with images you cant forget, like Toller and a young pregnant widow named Mary (a subdued Amanda Seyfried) levitating like a mirror into Andrei Tarkovskys universe. New details reveal themselves after repeated viewingsright up until that bonkers ending. AS


Cold War

So much of Cold War, which is inspired by the relationship between director Pawe Pawlikowskis parents, is about what we dont see. Spanning over the course of 15 years in post-war Poland and across Europe, were given glimpses into the lives of Wiktor and Zula, a musician and a promising young singer respectively, as a touring ensemble first brings them together. Their love affair soon follows, and despite any kind distance, betrayal, volatile disdain, and even homesickness that plagues them over the years, their magnetic attraction for one another and the kinds of music that shapes their lives always brings them back together. But in the gaps between Wiktor and Zulas reunions, your imagination quickly begins to spin the lives they lived apart from one another.

The backdrop of the Soviet Unions rule is a constant shadow, one that corrupts and influences aspects of their artistry, drives them apart and back together, and takes them away from their homeland (yet calls them back home). Its intoxicating and hypnotic, even when following their hearts brings them nothing but misery, and you cant look away. Its more intimate moments are just as vital as the larger setpieces, which is in part due to Pawlikowski, who received a directing Oscar nomination for Cold War. (Its also up for cinematography and foreign language film.) And the way Cold War is told, both through how its filmed and its formation through music, hold your attention from the start and doesnt let go. MJ

Amazon Studios/YouTube

Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Despite having three big nominations (actress, supporting actor, and adapted screenplay), Can You Ever Forgive Me? still feels like an underdog. Starring Melissa McCarthy as a down-on-her-luck writer who turns to forgery, it’s a subtly funny and insightful drama with none of the flashiness of typical Oscar-bait biopics. It’s also one of the few nominees from a female director, a detail that attracted the attention of Oscar pundits because Marielle Heller was mostly shut out of awards season. Meanwhile, controversial choices like Green Book and Bohemian Rhapsody sailed through. Fortunately, Can You Ever Forgive Me? will have a long shelf-life regardless, thanks to its memorably charming performances and authentic portrayal of two gay loners living in early ’90s New York. I’m rooting for Richard E. Grant to get that supporting actor statuette. He’s been one of the most entertaining people on this season’s awards circuit.GBW

Fox Searchlight/YouTube

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Fetishizing books is not the same thing as loving reading

Disclosed book on a table. Close-up.
Image: Getty Images

If you follow a lot of people who watch a lot of Netflix, then you’ve probably spent a lot of 2019 so far watching them argue about books. Specifically, about Tidying Up with Marie Kondo‘s approach to books.

“Keep your tidy, spark-joy hands off my book piles, Marie Kondo,” gasped The Washington Post. “Marie Kondo, back off! Why this book hoarder refuses to tidy up,” declared Cnet. On Twitter, some bibliophiles expressed shock and horror, while others reacted to that shock and horror with snark and bemusement

Kondo’s method for books is exactly the same as her method for pretty much anything else you might find in a home, like clothing, sporting goods, or kitchen gadgets. Yet it’s only the books that have provoked this level of disgust, and that’s because a lot of people have no chill when it comes to what other people might be doing with their books. 

Though this particular Kon-troversy is new, it’s really just the latest in a long series of book-related outrages over the years. 

Last year’s was the collective hand-wringing over backwards bookshelves. Before that was the outrage over books getting cut up for crafts. There’s been huffing over shelves curated by color and selfies over piles of open books, and disagreements over whether a large stack of unread books is cause for pride or shame

What all of these scandalous actions have in common is that they don’t actually affect anyone at all but the person making them. Instagram influencers aren’t sneaking into your home to rearrange your shelves, and Kondo isn’t signing legislation to outlaw large book collections. (She actually encourages you to keep your books if the thought of discarding them makes you mad.)

Why, then, do some bibliophiles get ranty at photos of spine-in books, or see red when a Kondo client throws another novel in his discard pile?

For many, it has to do with what books represent. Books don’t exist solely to spark joy! Books are objects of wonder, and souvenirs of our personal journeys! Our collections reflect our tastes and our personalities, and express them to any curious visitors who might come looking. They’re not mere decorative pieces or functional tools, and only a non-reader would treat them as such.

Books may mean a lot to some readers, but they don’t mean the same thing to all readers.

Or maybe they would. 

Books may mean a lot to some readers, but they don’t mean the same thing to all readers. A skimpy shelf could mean someone hates books, or simply that they prefer ebooks and libraries. An overstuffed one might be just as self-consciously curated as a streamlined one. Those spine-in volumes could belong to someone who loves reading and favors a minimalist aesthetic.

There’s a difference between loving reading and fetishizing books. While there’s nothing wrong with the latter, it’s worth acknowledging the difference — if only so we can collectively stop flying into a blind rage whenever some Facebook rando shares a photo of the secret book safe they just DIYed. 

There are exceptions and caveats, of course. Books that are rare or very old should probably be saved and preserved. Newer books could probably be donated or recycled, rather than trashed, for the sake of the environment. It also goes without saying that I’m talking here about personal collections; it’s obviously a much bigger problem if the government starts burning books, or a public library reorders them all by color just for the ‘gram. 

As a general rule, though? Mind your own books, and let other people mind theirs. 

If you can’t wait to KonMari some boring books out of your life, have fun tidying up. If you’d rather die by a billion paper cuts than let go of even one single volume, hold on to them for as long as you’d like. If you’d like to stock up on vintage volumes you won’t read to make yourself look smarter, or if you love judging people by their book collections — honestly, knock yourself out. 

Whatever you decide to do, though, remember that it’s not the bound stacks of printed paper that matter. It’s what they do, what’s inside them, and what they mean to you that does. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to cut everyone else a break for whatever they’re doing with their own piles of paper. 

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Is it your anniversary? Here’s what to get for the man in your life.

The day you and your partner became a happy couple is one of the most important days of the year. It brought you and your significant other together and is a celebration of your love. Once a year, the both of you celebrate that wonderful day by reaffirming your love and desire for one another. (We hope.)

But finding the perfect gift for your anniversary gets harder every year. What do you get for the man who has everything? (AKA you.) That’s where we come in.

From weekend bags to wine subscription services, cameras to cocktails, we’ve gathered the best gift ideas for the special man in your life. Even if he has everything, we bet he doesn’t have everything on this round-up. We also included gifts that can drop subtle hints and ideas about how you can spend more time together. (Awww.) Maybe you want to travel more, or maybe you want to document your lives a bit better — either way, there’s a gift for that.

We’ve rounded up 20 very thoughtful gifts that he’ll surely love, while also letting him know you hold him dear in your heart. Here are the best anniversary gifts for the man in your life:

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‘Overcooked!’ is the perfect date night in

Image: ghost town games

“Put the pot on the stove, noton the ground!” 

“No, it’s there because I’m chopping onions!”

I really hate cooking. Sure, you could point out that I probably hate it because I never practice, I refuse to follow recipes, and I think timers are for people with low self-confidence. But I would argue that cooking just sucks. It’s boring and time-consuming, and regularly causes me physical injury.

With that in mind, I’m sure you would agree, dear reader, that no significant other of mine should ever suggest cooking as a “fun thing to do together.” But, alas. My boyfriend of nearly two years, Chandler, suggested such a thing months ago and, of course, I had… the best time? 

Yes, it was a shock to me too. And no, I didn’t magically turn the corner on seasoning and sautéing. 

Instead of fighting in the kitchen, the two of us burned through hours and hours of a cooperative restaurant game called Overcooked! and had one of the best date nights in our relationship’s history. 

Here’s a rundown on the game you should be playing this weekend.

Overcooked! is adorable

When starting in on Ghost Town Games’ cooperative cooking simulation, you will almost certainly notice first how freaking cute everything is.

The environments range from spooky haunted houses to rickety pirate ships and each comes with its own unique set of obstacles. (I’m telling you. That ice was extra slippery and those penguins were intentionally distracting!

As you play through the overarching storyline and master levels, you gain access to new characters. Whenever Chandler and I play, I am always the orange cat (because it matches my actual orange cat, Kirby) and he is always the raccoon (because it is the most adorable raccoon you have ever seen.)

What’s more, even the food is delightful. I’m not joking—look how preciously disproportionate it is!

Image: ghost town games via steam

You actually get to talk the whole time

Movies and TV are great entertainment options for when you two need to do some passive hand holding. Overcooked! is for when you want to yell about not letting your fake pizza burn.

Because of its cooperative, puzzle structure, Overcooked! forces you to actively talk to your gaming partner and solve levels together. Whether it’s dashing around making dishes separately or passing items through a space-age teleportation device (yeah, things get weird), you will be constantly engaged in quality time with your cooking buddy—or buddies, since Overcooked! accommodates one to four players at a time.

Cooperation strategy games are way cheaper couples therapy

I’m not saying you and your significant other will reap all the same benefits from Overcooked! that you might get from meeting with a professional. But there is a good chance you will feel closer after playing for a few hours.

You aren’t solving any big problems together, but beating levels as a team feels genuinely good. It’s not often you have an excuse to high five IRL.

Plus, frustrating moments can really bond you. For example, another couple Chandler and I know finished Overcooked! way before we did because we had no idea that there was a sprint button. Yup. Every level is timed and we were just strolling around like adorable little slugs with nowhere to be. 

Overcooked! 2 is great for long distance

In August, Ghost Town Games released a sequel to the original that has since received tons of positive reviews

The best part? (Obviously, besides that adorable raccoon being back.) Overcooked! 2 added an online multiplayer feature. So, if you and your sous chef of choice are stuck in a LDR, a night of digital cooking could make for some much needed quality time.

Overcooked! is the digital date night you need this weekend

Candlelit dinners, nights at the theater, and strolls through Central Park are great for cinematic relationships. But sometimes real-life couples just need to throw on their sweats, flop on the couch, and goof around. 

This delightful little cooking game is perfect for those times. Whether it’s with a significant other or a friendly roommate, you need to get yourself (and at least one friend) in on the culinary madness. 

Overcooked and Overcooked 2 are available on Windows, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Nintendo Switch.

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New ‘Halloween’ trailer previews terrifying fight to the finish

Bloody teeth, kitchen knives, and Jamie Lee Curtis with a shotgun? Yup, sign me up.

Set 40 years after the events of the 1978 classic, this year’s Halloween looks scarier than ever. Serial killer Michael Meyers has escaped from prison to hunt down the one that got away: Laurie Strode. But, as it turns out, this former “final girl” is more than ready for a fight to the death.

Nick Castle and Jamie Lee Curtis will reprise their respective roles. The plot will similarly stick to its roots, ignoring all other sequels and their subsequent consequences.

Halloween screams into theaters October 19.

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‘Westworld’ cast and creators tease what to expect in the new season

Image: hbo

The first season of Westworld was a wild ride full of twists, thrills, and existential mysteries, but it looks like that’s nothing compared to what Season 2 will be when it airs on April 22.

Entertainment Weekly spoke with the cast of Westworld and some of the people behind the scenes about what we can expect in the reality-bending Westworld and beyond. According to Jeffrey Wright, the actor behind Bernard Lowe, Season 2 goes in hard in really big ways.

“The scale of Season 2 is just nuts, literally right out of the gate,” Wright told EW. “It’s so much more expansive, it makes the first season look like a genteel kitchen drama.” 

As fans of Westworld know, the first season was pretty far from anything resembling a genteel kitchen drama so we know that Season 2 is probably going to blow minds. Wright and others gave a little insight into what that is going to look like and what their characters are up to in the new season.

Warning: mild spoilers ahead for Westworld Season 2 and not-so-mild spoilers for Season 1

For Season 2, the focus will be on the uprising that kicked off in the first season, and at least some of the show’s head-scratching mysteries will be solved, showrunner Jonathan Nolan said.

“We don’t like to endlessly build mystery; we like to settle our debts by the end of the season,” Nolan said. “We want to feel like the show is rocketing ahead. The first season was a journey inward; this is a journey outward. It’s a search for what else is in the park, and what else is beyond the park.”

Nolan also shared that the show will take a deeper dive into the minds and points-of-view of the hosts.

“So as the hosts learn more about their world — and other worlds, and the real world — the audience is doing the same thing,” he said.

Evan Rachel Wood shared how her character Dolores has evolved and what she’s doing with her newfound power.

 “She’s playing the chess master,” Wood said. “She has access to all of her memories, but now she’s in control. There are some scenes where she’s three different people in the span of a minute.”

In terms of expansiveness, the new season is likely to head to new parks outside of Westworld, including the park that was teased at the end of Season 1, called Shogun World.

Ed Harris, who plays the hardcore Man in Black, told EW that Season 2 will be enjoyable to watch, although he’s not sure he totally understands where everything is going.

“It’s a pretty trippy second year, man, I gotta tell you that,” he said. “Hopefully somebody can explain it all to me after it airs. But it’s going to be tremendously watchable.” 

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What you need to do to prepare for Jack’s death on ‘This Is Us’

Image: nbc

The big day is coming. The day we’ve been waiting for. The day that we watch Jack Pearson burn to death on This Is Us.

At least that’s what we’ve been led to believe: A fire started by a slow cooker caused a full-on house blaze, and potentially led to the fiery demise of America’s favorite dead dad Jack Pearson (played by Milo Ventimiglia). This Is Us has been teasing his death since early on in the first season, and now it seems like millions of viewers will finally watch it happen right after the Super Bowl on Sunday.

If everything goes as expected on the next episode of This Is Us, it will be a lot to handle. There will probably be tears. Maybe even screaming. Maybe even death.

Here’s what you need to do to not die during the post-Super Bowl episode of This Is Us, appropriately titled “Super Bowl Sunday.”

1. Gather your loved ones

Like any good American holiday, it’s imperative to be around the ones you love during the Super Bowl and the This Is Us headliner that follows. This could be a pet, some friends, a This Is Us Slack group with your coworkers, a favorite box of tissues, or your closest family members.

Even if a few staples can’t make it such as, say, your three children who all seem to have other last-minute plans, that’s OK, as long as you leave a note telling your rudest son that you love him but he still owes you an apology.

Image: nbc

As long as you have someone or something to hold onto as you watch the Pearson family go through one of the most traumatic experiences imaginable, you may be able to keep it together. If that’s not enough, it may help to turn the dark situation into a money-making opportunity.

2. Place some friendly bets

There are a lot of theories floating around the internet about how exactly Jack Pearson dies on This Is Us because it hasn’t been made 100% clear that he dies in the house fire. Why not turn that into a fun game to lessen the blow of Jack’s horrific death?

Just like some Super Bowl parties include friendly bets around things like which team is going to win or who’s going to take the first kickoff, you could start a pool on whether or not Jack runs back into the fire to save Kate, the dog, or maybe even to look for Kevin. Some postulate that Jack won’t even die during “Super Bowl Sunday” and may actually make it to the next episode — another fun mystery to put a few dollars on.

Image: nbc

There’s a chance that you could get really invested in your bets which could make the situation even more stressful. In that case, make sure you have some food on hand to stress eat.

3. Make snacks

One of the most important things to remember while gearing up for a big night of television is sustenance.

This Is Us starts after the Super Bowl, so it may be a bit of a long night. On average, Super Bowl games tend to go on for nearly 4 hours, so from a 6:30 p.m. ET kickoff, we’re looking at digging into This Is Us at around 10:15 p.m. or even later on the East Coast. 

Image: nbc

A simple dinner alone won’t sustain most people, especially if you’re watching the Super Bowl and taking in a constant barrage of advertisements for nacho cheese-flavored chips and cheap beer. You’re going to need snacks.

How about some dip, chicken wings, or maybe some fresh corn muffins? You know what would go great with corn muffins? Chili — an American classic that pairs just as well with football as it does with tears. Just fire up your Crock-Pot (or other brand of slow cooker) and let some tomatoes, beans, peppers, spices, and maybe some meat stew all day for a delicious and hearty centerpiece for your evening.

4. Don’t forget to clean up

At the end of the night, after you’ve powered through all your chili, lost a bit of money, and covered your area rug in tissues, cleaning everything up can bring some peace of mind and give you time to reflect on Jack’s final (possibly screaming) moments.

Take a little once-around through the kitchen and living room, tidy up the little messes that you or other people made. Maybe play a song while you do it, like “To Build A Home” by The Cinematic Orchestra.

Last of all, turn off the slow cooker and head up to bed.

Image: nbc

Now repeat to yourself over and over: “The Pearsons are not real. They are a fictional family. The Pearsons are not real. This Is Us is a fictional TV show.” 

Go to sleep.

Wait … have you checked to make sure your fire alarm works recently?

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Watch these shows, not ‘Teleprompter Trump’s’ State of the Union speech, tonight

Image: bill clark/CQ-Roll Call, Inc.

Once upon a better time, watching the State of the Union address each year was considered a civic duty. Now that Trump is president, it’s rightly considered a spectacular waste of time. 

Last year, Trump successfully read off a teleprompter for an hour straight and was deemed “presidential” by a bunch of CNN talking heads who somehow make more money than you. Few in the punditocracy cared about whether Trump would actually follow up on his promises. They were just thrilled to learn that our nation’s commander-in-chief was borderline literate.

Don’t make the same mistake these people did, or maybe you even did last year. Don’t watch the SOTU. Change the channel and learn something.

Below are a list of far superior programs, most with slightly civic bents, that are either broadcasting at the same time as the State of the Union or are available on popular streaming sites. All of these programs contain far more valuable information than anything you’ll find in Stephen Miller’s State of the Union. Bonus! They won’t crush your fumbling little soul.

1. The Florida Project

This movie wasn’t a contender for Best Picture because — surprise! — Academy voters can be shitty. The Florida Projecthits both iTunes and Amazon today. A percentage of sales will go to Community Hope Center, a nonprofit that serves low-income people in Kissimmee, Florida, until February 5th.

2. The Black Panther trailer on repeat

Trump’s SOTU will probably last about 58 minutes longer than the Black Panther trailer, but that doesn’t mean you can’t watch this on repeat until you fall asleep, safe and sound and free of GIFs of Trump’s mouth spit.

3. High Maintenance

I highly encourage you to backwatch Season 2 of this highly underrated Brooklyn-based stoner comedy on HBO tonight. I’d send you my password if 20,000 people could agree not to use it at the same time. Cool?

4. A blank wall and/or a meaningless patch of kitchen tiles

Staring at a blank wall is a consistently more uplifting experience than watching Trump do anything at all.

5. Fixer Upper

HGTV’s Fixer Upper will air at the same time as the SOTU on the East Coast. What it lacks in civic education it more than makes up for in meaningful insights about toilet installation.

6. All the President’s Men

With the Russia investigation fully underway, it’s important to look back to a quaint old time when lawmakers weren’t beholden to evil brothers and held members of their own party accountable. Available on iTunes, YouTube, Amazon, Vudu, and Google Play.

7. The Chi

The next episode of this Lena Waithe series doesn’t air until February 11th. That gives you plenty of time to watch earlier episodes on Showtime about this Chicago community where Trump once promised to “send in the Feds,” Oh my god.

8. Law and Order

Wherever you are in the United States, no matter what kind of cable package you have, you have access to Law and Order. I can guarantee you that anything that comes out of Mariska Hargitay’s mouth > than anything that comes out of Paul Ryan’s sycophantic little face. 

9. Lovesick

Lovesick, available now on Netflix, is a clever British sitcom about a man who contracts an STD and is forced to tell all of his previous partners. Yes, even chlamydia humor is superior to the details about Trump’s immigration plan.

10. Drunk History

A new episode of Drunk History premieres tonight at  10 pm EST. If you can’t wait that long and feel compelled to watch the SOTU, suppress that impulse and watch a earlier Season 5 episode at 9:30 pm. Stay safe and Trump-free, people!

11. This old YouTube clip I found of Supermarket Sweep

It is far more valuable to learn the price of Tide in 1992 than the details of Trump’s opioid crisis plan that he will never, ever implement.

12. FDR’s State of the Union Address from 1941

Widely considered one of the best SOTU addresses, FDR famously outlined four freedoms “everyone in the world” should be entitled to: freedom of worship, freedom of speech, freedom from want, and freedom from fear. I’d like to revise FDR’s fears to include “freedom from Trump,” but since that’s not entirely possible, “freedom to change the channel” will have to do.

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Can You Survive Seeing Grease On Broadway?

It’s a summer morning, and you’re sitting around with nothing to do. You had a job, but it was eaten by a wizard, so now you’re stuck here in your boring house. You are going insane because there is no entertainment.

Suddenly, you hear a knock on your door.

You slam the door in Howie McGowan’s face and return to your house. It’s very boring here. You live your entire life without entertainment. One time, a gorilla gets into your house, and you think, “Finally! Something exciting!” but the gorilla just goes into your laundry room and folds towels for a few hours before leaving your house forever.

You never smile again.

You open the door, and oh fuck, it’s your horrible neighbor, Howie McGowan. Howie is always drinking a quart of milk wherever he goes. He slurps it so loudly. He is the worst. His son was eaten by rats in the background of a “Got Milk?” commercial starring Lance Armstrong, so now the Dairy Farmers of America sends him free milk in the mail as compensation. He will never run out of milk. In the middle of the night, he sits in his kitchen with the lights off slurping it down with so much volume that the sound of it wakes you up in your bed.

“Mmm…hello,” says Howie McGowan. He takes a huge swig of milk and gargles it loudly before spitting the milk back into the bottle. He is disgusting. “I love you,” he says to you.

Howie sips deep on his milk. His gurgling is the stuff of nightmares. Finally, he speaks: “As you know, my son was recently eaten by rats in 2004 when he snuck onto the set of a ‘Got Milk?’ commercial and fell into the giant cage of rats he had brought from home. Before he died, he had purchased a ticket to see Grease on Broadway 12 years from the day that he died. That day is today.”

“Well, obviously, my dead son can’t go see Grease on Broadway because he hates musicals and he was eaten by rats in 2004,” says Howie as he takes a huge swig of milk. “Since my son can’t use his ticket to Grease, I thought I’d check to see if you wanted to have it, since I love you.”

“Wonderful,” says Howie as he guzzles a terrible amount of milk. “Here is my dead son’s ticket to Grease, my cherished neighbor.”

He hands you the ticket and then walks back to his house. You can hear the sound of him drink quart after quart of apology milk, and you know that he is thinking about asking you to marry him. He is…unthinkable.

Ah, Broadway! America’s festering wound of arts and acting. On Broadway, the streets are nauseous with history. Broadway is where the Tragedy Ape wrote Ape Weep! Ape Swallowed Only Friend! It’s where the only musical ever written by a pig, Let’s Wink At The Bishop! LET’S WINK AT THE BISHOP! was first performed. It’s where Arthur Miller said, “Oh fuck. Here I go,” and then turned into a puff of steam.

Yes, it’s very good to be here on historic Broadway. What would you like to do now?

Okay. Grease is being performed at the historic Grand Picador Theater. It’s extremely fancy. You’re a fancy idiot if you go to the Grand Picador Theater.

Here you are at the Grand Picador Theater. This theater is extremely famous and historical. In 1979, the Grand Picador was home to the first all-screaming performance of The King And I. It’s truly amazing to be here at this legendary theater!

Here you are in the Grand Picador lobby.

“Hi! Welcome to the Grand Picador Theater! I’m the theater’s only usher. My name is Dentist Or Maybe Usher. My parents named me that because they thought I would grow up to be either a dentist or an usher, and they were right! May I see your ticket, please?”

You give the usher your ticket.

“Oh, I’ve got some bad news!” he says. “You’re in seat 17B, which is the worst chair in the world. That seat was built on top of Marlon Brando’s grave, and his furious ghost haunts the chair to this day. That’s what we in the usher business call ‘shit luck,’ my friend. Please follow me to your horrible seat.”

You follow Dentist Or Maybe Usher to seat 17B. It’s right next to a man who is standing up and smiling as he stares out into nothingness.

“I’m smiling like this because I’m thinking about tobacco,” says the man. He does not look at you.

“I do not care,” says the man. “I am thinking about tobacco right now.”

You get comfortable in your seat as the theater orchestra begins to play. The curtains come up, and the house lights go down.

Grease on Broadway is about to begin.

“Well, there’s the President’s Throne, but that’s reserved for the president.”

“Okay, well, if you’re not the president, then you’ll have to follow me to the bad seat,” says Dentist Or Maybe Usher.

“Okay, right this way, Mr. President,” says Dentist Or Maybe Usher. He leads you to a beautiful chair. “Here is the President’s Throne. It’s the best chair in the world. Please enjoy the play.”

This is great! The President’s Throne is an amazing chair! Everything about it is luxurious. Doves carrying buckets of hot milk fly over you and dump the hot milk onto your head like you just won the Super Bowl of Dairy. A butler sprays perfume onto your crotch, which attracts beautiful butterflies that land on your groin and die. Remora fish eat the barnacles off of your skin. You’ve never been more pampered. This must be what it’s like to be the president every day!

“Everyone is the president!” you shout. Everyone in the theater begins applauding.

“I am the president! Me!” says one very happy man.

“I can’t believe I’m the president,” says a woman next to him. “I’m going to declare war on my loud pet bird!”

It looks like you’ve really made everyone’s day by telling them they’re the president. Now, it’s probably time to get quiet and start watching Grease.

You scream, “I am the president!” and the entire theater turns around and shushes you in unison. “Shut the fuck up, my gorgeous president!” screams a man in the front row.

“My president, it’s an honor to be at the theater with you, but if you do not become silent, I will walk into the street and start screaming national security secrets,” says a woman way at the back. Everyone in the theater starts chanting, “Shut up, president! Shut up, president!” over and over.

It sounds like everyone wants you to get quiet.

You are about to start watching the play when, all of a sudden, a member of the Secret Service shows up. “My president, it’s me, your main bodyguard,” he says. “As I’m sure you’re aware, half of all presidential assassinations take place inside theaters. As the president, you are incredibly likely to be killed here on Broadway, so we’re going to have to take insane security precautions in order to keep you safe during the play.”

“Okay, suit yourself, my president,” says your Secret Service bodyguard. “It’s your fucking funeral, you idiot. Goodbye, my sweet president of U.S.A.”

The Secret Service agent leaves. Looks like you can finally get started watching the play. The curtains rise, and the play begins.

Narrator: It’s Grease.

(The play begins on the Galapagos Islands in the summer of the 1950s. Enter Mark Zuckerberg, a man who wears a leather jacket and is handsome. He is joined by the beautiful woman named Saltine.)

Saltine: Oh, Zuckerberg! I know you could do it!

Mark Zuckerberg (speaking without opening his lips, like a ventriloquist): Here we are, baby—the most expensive restaurant in town!

Saltine: Oh, Zuckerberg! Promise me you’ll never turn me into a bug using magic!

Mark Zuckerberg: No.

(They kiss as the waves explode all around them, on account of here we are at the ocean.)

There’s a tremendous crash as a 100-ton anvil falls from the ceiling and flattens you to death. You’ve been assassinated! It turns out that your assassin was none other than John Wilkes Booth Jr., the twin brother of famous theater assassin John Wilkes Booth. You should have listened to your Secret Service agent and taken security precautions, but now you’re completely dead and assassinated.

If there’s anything we can learn from this, it’s that presidents should never go to a theater alone, or else an assassin will drop a giant anvil on them.

The End.

In order to keep you safe, your Secret Service detail encases your body inside of a concrete block for the entirety of Grease on Broadway. The play starts, but you can’t really see or hear anything.

Deep within your concrete block, you can faintly hear the music from Grease. You wonder what part of the play they’re up to.

Every so often, you hear gunshots and somebody yelling, “Let me kill him! Let me kill the president!” and you hear your bodyguard yelling, “No! That would be wrong!” Fortunately, you are safe inside of your concrete block.

Well, Grease is over. You missed the entire thing, but at least you didn’t get assassinated. You are never freed from the concrete block, thus making you the safest person in the world for the next 200 years, which is how long the rest of your life lasts inside the concrete block.

If there’s anything we’ve learned from this, it’s that you shouldn’t go around telling people that you’re the president, or else you won’t get to watch musical theater.

The End.

Narrator: It’s Grease.

“Hmm…very fascinating,” says the guy next to you. “I didn’t notice that it was Grease because I was too busy focusing on what it would be like if tobacco were a type of meat, and if you had to kill an animal to get your hands on that sweet tobacco for smoking and chewing. I think I would definitely still kill that animal to get the tobacco, even if it screamed when you harvested its tobacco flesh or could plead for its life in English. That’s how much I loooove tobacco.”

Sounds like this guy is a huge fan of tobacco.

(The play begins on the Galapagos Islands in the summer of the 1950s. Enter Mark Zuckerberg, a man who wears a leather jacket and is handsome. He is joined by the beautiful woman named Saltine.)

Saltine: Oh, Zuckerberg! I know you could do it!

Mark Zuckerberg (speaking without opening his lips, like a ventriloquist): Here we are, baby—the most expensive restaurant in town!

Saltine: Oh, Zuckerberg! Promise me you’ll never turn me into a bug using magic!

Mark Zuckerberg: No.

(They kiss as the waves explode all around them, on account of here we are at the ocean.)

You decide to close your eyes and sleep through the rest of the first act of the play.

You have a dream that your horrible neighbor, Howie McGowan, is drinking milk on your doorstep while he explains that while you were at work, he snuck into your house and had sex with your parents. You can’t remember the specifics because it’s all hazy dream logic, but basically, in your dream, Howie takes enormous gulps of milk as he describes to you how he and your parents got mega-carnal all over your house and how their asses became best friends with each other. He says that the sex he had with your parents was so goddamn vigorous and rude that it basically ruined your house. Like, when they were done having sex in your house, the mayor of your town had to come put a big black towel over your house as a way to say “Everyone…steer clear…this…this is not an okay place anymore.”

It’s basically the worst dream you’ve ever had. You’ve got to wake up!

(It’s now several months later, and the summer is over. It is the 1950s school year, and we’re at Rydell High School, home of the musical Grease. Mark Zuckerberg is standing around, slowly turning into shit with his friends Dandruff, Zig-Zag, Yogurt Sr., and False Jermaine.)

Dandruff: Hey, Mark Zuckerberg, are you ready for this year’s high school Hot Rod Contest? The Pharaoh says that He’s going to let the winner give Him a hickey!

Zig-Zag: Yeah, Zuckerberg, you’ve got the hottest Hot Rod around! The Pharaoh is going to love your car the most for sure!

Mark Zuckerberg (speaking without moving his lips): This cannot be denied, my friends. My Hot Rod is truly the Lamborghini of jalopies. I seek desperately to please the Pharaoh in all ways, and so I will enter my car in this year’s Hot Rod Contest.

Yogurt Sr.: Attaboy, Zuck my baby!

Dandruff: I worship the Pharaoh. I respect His omnipotence over all things.

Mark Zuckerberg: Yes. The Pharaoh is everything, and I’m the cool cat who’s gonna give Him a hickey.

All (in unison): When best friends enter their car into a contest, you know that it’s going to be springtime forever.

(The friends high-five each other. They’re excited to win the Hot Rod Contest.)

(We are now in the main office of Rydell High, where the school’s principal, a wraithlike woman known only as Steam, is reading the morning announcements to the students.)

Steam: Good morning, children. I am Steam. Welcome to Rydell High. I have the following announcements: Due to a national initiative to improve the scientific minds of American students, you will be dissecting frogs in every class. English, math, home ec.—it doesn’t fucking matter. Time will be set aside in all of them to slice open a frog. In this way, we will produce scientists powerful enough to destroy the Soviet Union.

Steam: Furthermore, in compliance with recent animal cruelty laws, we are forbidden from killing the frogs before we dissect them, so the frogs will be shrieking as you rip open their bellies to explore their organs. Children, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard a frog shriek, but it’s…in your sleep, you will have nightmares devoid of images and filled only with the sound of a shrieking frog. Just blackness and shrieking.

Steam: Finally, as part of a nationwide initiative to boost efficiency in the American education system, lunch will no longer be served in the cafeteria. The entire faculty is now staffed exclusively by lactating women, so if you get hungry, silently walk to the front of the classroom, and your teacher will breastfeed you while continuing her lesson plan without pause. The increased productivity among our students will aid us in our quest to strangle the Soviet Union. This concludes the morning announcements! Good luck this year at Rydell High, and I hope that the Pharaoh does not destroy you. Never forget that I am Steam.

(All the students applaud. They are ready for another year at Rydell High.)

(Saltine enters the office. She is joined by Amelia Earhart, the worst pilot in the whole school.)

Amelia Earhart: Howdy, Saltine! How was your summer?

Saltine: Oh, Amelia, it was wonderful! I met a boy, and we yelled romance at each other on the beach!

Amelia Earhart: Ooooooo la la! Tell me all the details!

(Music begins to play. A single upright bass plays a jazzy phrase, repeated endlessly. A Broadway song is starting.)

Saltine: Amelia, I am going to tell you all about it.

(Saltine begins to sing the famous song from Grease known as “Summer Lovin’.”)

Saltine (coughing and shrieking in a musical way): Summer lovin’! Shit! Whatever! I let a boy touch my shin! Then the boy stood 30 feet away from me and revealed his butt to me! I looked at the butt for 15 minutes and then he put the butt back in his pants! That’s sexual intercourse, baby!

Amelia Earhart (singing horribly): Tell me more! Tell me more! Did the boy have a gentleman’s penis?

Saltine (singing like a foghorn starring in an opera): It’s impossible to say! He pulled his pants down, but his groin was covered by clouds! I asked him, “Sir, do you have got yourself a penis?” and the boy said, “I have no idea what the hell that is, you bimbo!”

Amelia Earhart (in a full-on musical bellow): Tell me more! Tell me more! Tell me more! Tell me more! Tell me more! Tell me more!

Saltine (singing like a seagull having night terrors): I will tell you more! The boy’s name was Mark Zuckerberg!

Amelia Earhart (singing with all of her lungs): Christ! Tell me more! Tell me more! Tell me more!

Saltine (singing with all of her lungs): I will tell you more! He took me to his car, where he was fermenting jars of grape juice into vinegar in the backseat. He told me, “Baby, no matter how deeply I fall in love with you, I will always love my vinegar more!” I said, “I’d expect nothing less, you motherfucker!” He said, “If I had to kill you to save the homemade vinegar I cooked up in my car, I would do it,” and I said, “I admire a man with convictions!” Then we kissed!

Amelia Earhart (singing beautifully): Tell me more!

Saltine (singing even more beautifully): And then I said, “I love you!” and he said, “I have to go home to use the toilet in a way it’s not usually used,” so he left, and the summer romance was over!

Amelia Earhart (doing a musical screech): Tell me more! Tell me more!

Saltine (singing): No! I won’t tell you anything else, you fucking harpy! You’ve sucked me dry of information!

(The music stops, and there is silence. The song is over. Everyone in the theater begins to applaud.)

You look over at the man sitting next to you. He is standing up but looking very angry.

“I’m furious because I’m thinking about what it would be like if the soccer player Pele kicked a bag of cigarettes with his golden foot. Pele should not kick the tobacco. Pele should marry the tobacco, or transform into more tobacco. This is my opinion.”

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Divorce parties are a thing, and you’re going to want one after this week’s ‘You’re the Worst’

When you’re getting divorced from the man of your nightmares, the only logical course of action is to celebrate with your besties — and when your besties are the dysfunctional deviants of You’re the Worst, there’s a 90 percent chance that said celebration will be a total trainwreck (albeit a trainwreck with great booze and decorations).

The Oct. 18 episode of FXX’s fan-favorite comedy sees Gretchen (Aya Cash) promising to throw Lindsay (Kether Donohue) a divorce party for the ages to celebrate her freedom from Paul (Allan McLeod) — although, naturally, it’s long-suffering Edgar (Desmin Borges) who ends up doing most of the heavy lifting. 

And if you’re divorced, the recipient of a bad breakup, or just a person with a suitably dark sense of humor, you’re definitely gonna have party envy when you see the spread for this shindig — even if the guest list leaves a little to be desired.

We spoke to writer and supervising producer Alison Bennett to find out exactly what you need to throw your own rockin’ divorce party (or just a rad You’re the Worst watch party, TBH), that will make you the envy of all your exes.

1. The Decor 

Image: FXX

It should come as no surprise that divorce parties are a real thing, and Bennett says she drew on her own life experiences for inspiration when writing the episode.   

“I got divorced about two years ago and I did not have a party, but friends definitely were sending me links to some of these products that were featured in the episode. I was actually planning my wedding to my second husband while writing the episode, so between the research of planning a wedding and also having got divorced, I kind of fused those together, threw a little Pinterest in there and that’s how the divorce party was born.”

Customized cake toppers featuring the bride and groom’s likenesses are available online (decapitation optional, probably), and Bennett says a banner declaring “I do, I did, I’m done,” was a Pinterest find.

“‘Cause I figured Lindsay’s not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, so she definitely would be offering ideas that she would have seen other women execute on the internet,” she explains. “Lindsay’s probably one of those people that would end up on one of those Pinterest Fail blogs.”     

2. The Drink

Image: fxx

Every good party needs a signature cocktail, and Lindsay’s divorce bash gives us the Mezcalimony, which was apparently the brainchild of writer Shane Kosakowski. 

“He’s a master of both drinking and puns. When we were riffing on the episode before I went to script it, he just dropped Mezcalimony and we all lost our minds because the You’re The Worst writers’ room, we’re all big fans of Mezcal.”

The recipe calls for Mezcal (natch), lime juice, watermelon juice, ginger, honey and chili, but “be careful — if you fall in love with this drink, you’ll end up paying for it later,” as the sign warns. (Yes, you’ll be pleased to know that the writers tested it out to make sure it was up to their high standards — for science, obviously.)

“What’s better than Mezcal and drinking and also getting money from somebody else?” Bennett points out. “That’s great. That’s a combination of heaven.”

3. The dress

Image: fxx

When it comes to divorce party essentials, “The top pick is the hot dress,” Bennett says. “Just in case your ex does show up, so you can be like, ‘Look how good I’m having it now.'” Lindsay pairs a low-cut mullet dress with a black veil, fishnets and cat ears, because we all know that hot dresses are her specialty. 

4. The crew

Image: fxx

What’s essential to any party? “Lots of girlfriends, who will protect you from making bad rebound hook ups, or encourage you to go in that direction,” Bennett suggests. “Just surround yourself with a lot of supportive women, and a couple of hot dummies who maybe you can hook up with.”

Bennett previews that Lindsay’s divorce party is one small step on a much longer journey of self-discovery in Season 4, although it’ll clearly be a winding road. 

“I think by having this renewed sense of independence and getting to have a job and her own place — even though Gretchen’s there farting up the couch for three months of it — she is on this self-reflective path and she realizes something’s not working,” Bennett says.

“I think Lindsay is going on a journey of taking responsibility and realizing that she’s doing things that kind of bring the bad luck into her life that’s not actually bad luck, it’s choices. Also, finding out how she got there: What were her life experiences that made her into a person who is doing coke off their kids or whatever? She’s making those steps to figure it out, which I think is really beautiful and nice because all the other characters have gone through some self exploration over the years, and it’s nice to see them be that deep with her history.”

In other words, in true You’re the Worst fashion, the light at the end of Lindsay’s tunnel could be self-actualization, or it could be an oncoming train; either way, we know it’ll be fun (and scarily relatable) to watch.

You’re the Worst airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on FXX.

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