The Enterprise lost at least one crew member every five minutes. Armored space suits should have been the Federation’s top priority, right after hull integrity and space STD antibiotics. Strangely enough, the original show’s creator, Gene Roddenberry, served on a bomber crew during WWII, and even in his mundane Earth voyages, the crew wore flak jackets. If you’re a crew of explorers dying constantly from stabbings and pokings, you would absolutely wear 50 pounds of the best space steel you could find. Why leave your fate in the hands of thin, non-union turtlenecks?
Avatar Mech Suits Invite Enemies To Kill Them
Avatar, the highest-grossing film of all time which nobody remembers a thing about, had an overwhelming amount of awesome technology. They had holograms, interstellar travel, giant attack helicopters, and the ability to clone and remotely operate sexy cat-smurf monsters. Then there’s this thing, modern sci-fi’s answer to the Star Trek away team problem above:
That’s a mech suit that’s supposed to be good at unloading unobtanium trucks and doing infantry fire support. It’s got a sealed cockpit to protect from Pandora’s toxic atmosphere. There’s a cool biofeedback control system which allows the pilot to use the machine’s hands as if they were their own. Overall, it’s a pretty practical machine for space imperialism. Except there’s one obvious design flaw.
The super deadly robo-suit houses its pilot in very, very breakable glass. It isn’t even as bulletproof as glass we have here on Earth today. If you’d like, you can watch a video of some brave soul squatting behind a bulletproof earthling windshield while it gets shot with an AK-47 at close range. But in Avatar, the main villain gets killed when the lady cat-smurf monster carves through his cockpit with an ax and an arrow. Humans have known how to prevent ax and arrow deaths since the Bronze Age. The villain traveled light years to die from something children play with at summer camp.
Every other giant mech franchise has armored cockpits. Gundam, Robotech, Voltron … all of them know they need to protect the pilot(s) inside their machines. James Cameron, a man obsessed with high-pressure deep sea exploration, thought, “Why not a fragile little glass cockpit?” The man invented diving equipment to shoot The Abyss. He thinks of everything. Except this massive, massive design flaw so dumb that even the goddamn Power Rangers figured it out.
Ryan Lichtenstein makes a weird progressive kid’s show you can watch here. Or follow him on Twitter.
You can dodge these futuristic problems with this literal Robot Mop. It’s like a Roomba for your kitchen except it cleans your floors instead of killing you.
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