Growing up, we’ve picked up most of our day-to-day habits from our parents and guardians, learning to adapt to the world by observing and mimicking our surroundings. Most of the time, those routine practices are universal, so it’s small wonder that people just assume them to be normal and expect everyone to be on the same page. However, there are times when your world suddenly collapses as you realize you’re the only person in the room to call slippers ‘fuzzy-footsers’ or that no one in the world eats bananas whole, skin and all.
Did you have any mind-blowing revelations of your own? Share your stories with other bored pandas to feel less weird about being lied to your whole life!
When I was little I was terrified spiders would eat me while I was sleeping on the top bunk, so my parents had this cool contraption that was a ‘spider-trap-setter’. They’d bring it in at bedtime, I’d point it around the room, and click the handle to set a ton of spider traps each night so I could sleep.
Fast forward to my fiancé and I registering for wedding gifts – he scanned a wine bottle opener (with the corkscrew and the arms that go up and down) and I immediately recognized it as a spider-trap-setter. It only then dawned on me that I’d been LIED TO,
When I was a kid I had a tiny Sony stereo for cassettes. I really loved listening to music – and still do – and children’s stories. I would however only listen for like an hour or so a day, because I thought people inside the cassettes would become to tired and upset with me.
I was probably 12 or so before I realized that not all kids spend their entire summer vacation farming. I spent my summer days weeding, picking veggies, tending hogs, cattle, chickens and I enjoyed every minute of it!
My mom and aunt were identical twins. My aunt lived with us from the time I was born until first grade. I never realized until I started Kindergarten that not everyone had two moms that looked exactly the same and one dad. What a shocker.
Growing up, whenever I would eat bananas my mouth would always hurt and sometimes go numb. Kind of similar to how it feels if you eat too much sour candy. It wasn’t until I was 18 years old that I say to my mom ‘Man, I hate the way bananas make your mouth hurt.’ She then brought me to understand THAT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. So yeah, turns out I’m allergic to bananas.
In my family, it is a tradition that if somebody bends over they are going to get a swat on the behind. I figured out pretty young that this wasn’t “normal” but continued the tradition anyway. At least until my son was about 4 or 5, and we were at the grocery store. A lady in the aisle in front of us dropped her can of pears, and I’ll be damned if my lil’ rascal didn’t run up all excited and swat her on the butt. She spun around with a shocked expression while I made apology after mortified apology. She was cool though. She laughed and said, “It’s okay, honey. That’s the cutest guy that’s swatted me on the butt in a long time.” Props to her, but we still discontinued the practice at home after that.
For the first two or three years after I was potty trained, I thought that everyone peed standing up. So there I was, a little girl with impeccable aim.
My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
I grew up in the country and firmly believed that ice cream trucks were myths and that they only existed on TV shows.
When I was in kindergarten, I wore my Batman costume to school EVERY DAY! Under clothes, over clothes, rain or shine. Since my mom wasn’t the type to crush my dreams of saving Gotham City or to enforce gender roles on me, I was free to be Batman(without judgement) until the middle of first grade when the other girls stopped wanting to play with me.