1. I give a shit about my wedding day. I cannot believe the amount of people (mostly ladies) who just straight up assumed, “All you have to remember is where to be and to say I do right? Haw haw haw.” Fucking annoying. I had ideas of how I wanted it to look and how I wanted it to go as well. But my goodness, not a single person thought I gave a shit even though I constantly was trying to give my take on stuff. It was always met with, “Oh you don’t need to worry about that” or “oh the ladies will figure that out.” Like, this is infuriating.
2. If we take long in the bathroom, we are not always jacking off, sometimes we’re just enjoying a long shower or browsing memes.
3. How we can’t do laundry, cook, raise kids, or anything without our wives coming to show us how.
Look, assholes, I’m single and I do all my own cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. I have never stared at a mop like it was a plasma death ray, nor have I ever had to rush out to buy dinner because I burned mine (well, a few times when drunk, but that’s not the same thing).
I also am capable of taking care of a baby without having to call a woman to give me directions.
4. That we are emotionless. Sometimes it is not the right situation to show how you are feeling. Just because I am not showing it doesn’t mean I am not feeling it.
5. I have personally never talked to a guy friend about how their girlfriends are in bed, or really anything about their sex lives.
6. We actually love the attention just as much as women do. And cuddling too.
7. We think about sex every 7 seconds.
8. That men don’t have self-image issues. You only get to hear about body positivity when it’s about women’s bodies.
9. “Men have to make the first move.” This is in the context of relationships, not sex. I. hate. this.
10. That all men cheat. I know just as many women that cheat, as well.
11. That every erection means that we are horny.
12. If a man refuses sex , then he is no longer interested in his SO or finds her unappealing or has a side chick. Some days are so stressful that we just want to hit the bed and sleep.
13. Masturbation means we’re sexually unsatisfied. Does having dessert mean that I hated dinner?
14. Men aren’t always okay. Most men are in severe need of emotional support but are so deprived of it because if we ask for help we are seen as weak or unattractive.
15. That we are inherently violent. I’m hard pressed to find anyone violent. In 2019, with the exception of public freak outs, people in general seem to avoid conflicts at all cost.
16. Most men have zero issue asking for directions. I don’t like being lost, it’s god damn annoying.
17. That if we turn down sex/unwanted sexual advances there’s something wrong with us, or that we should enjoy/be grateful every time we get approached. No, I don’t like the fact that stranger just grabbed my ass and tried to stick her tongue down my throat. Wtf is wrong with you?
18. “All men are the same.” First of all, don’t mix us up with your stupid ex.
19. I like cute things and it does not emasculate me to talk about them. I baby talk at my dogs (don’t fucking act like you don’t), I like pointless anime garbage that’s sole purpose is to tickle the cute sensors in your brain, and I like seeing girls wear cute clothes regardless of whether or not I want to see those clothes come off.
Now, I said it doesn’t emasculate me to enjoy these things, but I still can’t do it out loud because everyone else is such an insecure pussy that I’ll get harassed until the cows come home and leave and come back again.
20. Men love it when women drop hints instead of being blunt. No, that shit’s confusing.
21. That we need soap, shampoo, and conditioner all in one, because we don’t know how to wash our ass correctly.
22. That men cant be victims of abuse or domestic violence from women. Yeah, we can, and statistically, if we report it, there’s a solid chance that we’ll be the ones going to jail for it, even if all we did was take it and not fight back. Screw that.
23. That only creepy men enjoy being around children.
24. Men don’t cry.
25. Men only talk to women because they want something from them.
26. Apparently gender roles only exist when it comes to fixing something. I don’t know why my wife continues to think that because I was born with a penis, I know how to re-finish a deck, or repair our dryer, or put new lighting up in our kitchen….
27. I fucking LOVE Bath and Body Works.
I love mojitos, margs, and other fruity cocktails.
I will always buy pads/tampons when asked.
I cry sometimes.
I can point out/notice a good-looking guy (as a straight guy). This is the one that gets me the most – sometimes I feel like I can’t compliment a new haircut or whatever. I hate the “no homo” thing – a compliment isn’t gay unless you make it gay!!!
28. That they don’t need compliments. I hate it when I do it to my male friends and some other acquaintance will overhear and tease me for it. But when I do it to a female friend, nobody gives shit. I believe that guys deserve to be complimented sincerely once in a while, like everybody else.
29. I wouldn’t call it a myth, but when a guy is helpful around the house and just courteous in general, sometimes a woman will say, “your wife/girlfriend has trained you well!” No, we managed to become decent human beings without a woman’s help, fuck you very much.
30. I hate when I out with my kids people jokingly say, “Are you on Daddy duty?” I’ve never heard someone ask a mom if she’s on Mommy Duty. It’s assumed that men don’t take their kids places and it really annoys me because I work full time but I also get my kids ready in the morning, cook them breakfast, prepare their lunches, eat lunch with them at school once per week, bring them to most doctor and dentist appointments.